vesperala Posted May 12, 2009 Report Share Posted May 12, 2009 A computer programmer, a manager, and a mechanic loose control of their car going down the hill. The mechanic says "Hey why don't I take this car apart and fix it". The manager says "Why don't we form a committe to make sure this doesn't happen again". The computer programmer says "Why don't we push it back up the hill to see if it crashes again?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gabriel Posted May 13, 2009 Report Share Posted May 13, 2009 (edited) A Blonde's Year in Review January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!! March Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...... Box said "2-4 years!" April Trapped on escalator for hours ..... Power went out!!! May Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of Water won't fit into those little packets!!! June Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope. July Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, The other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... Car swamped because soft-top was open. September The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel. November Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!! December Couldn't call 911 .. "duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!! Edited May 13, 2009 by gabriel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vesperala Posted May 16, 2009 Report Share Posted May 16, 2009 God was fed up. In a crash of thunder he/she yanked up to Heaven three influential humans, George Bush, Russian President, and Bill Gates. "The human race is a complete disappointment," God boomed. "You each have one week to prepare your followers for the end of the world." Then, with another crash of thunder they found themselves back on Earth. Bush immediately called in his cabinet. "I have good news and bad news," he announced grimly. "The good news is that there is god. The bad news is Gods really mad and plans to end the world in a week." The Russia President announced to parliament, "Comrades, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that we were wrong, there is a god after all. The worse news is Gods mad and is going to end the world in a week." Meanwhile, Bill Gates called a meeting of his top engineers. "I have good news and better news. The good news is that God considers me one of the three most influential men on Earth," he beamed. "The better news is we don't have to fix Windows Vista." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinturicchio Posted June 10, 2009 Report Share Posted June 10, 2009 (edited) It was once said that a black man would be president when pigs flew. Well behold, 100 days into his presidency Swine Flu. Edited June 10, 2009 by pinturicchio Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vesperala Posted September 30, 2010 Report Share Posted September 30, 2010 A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume. The mathmatician carefully measured the diamaeter and evaluated a triple integral. The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement. The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vesperala Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Windwalker Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 Now that was a good one Vesperala. Thanks for the smile this morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vesperala Posted February 8, 2011 Report Share Posted February 8, 2011 Dear God, My prayer for 2011 is for a fat bank account & a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you did last year. AMEN!!! ZETA is typing... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vesperala Posted October 5, 2011 Report Share Posted October 5, 2011 Q: How does one insult a mathematician ? A: You say: “Your brain is smaller than any positive epsilon!” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vesperala Posted October 24, 2011 Report Share Posted October 24, 2011 Once upon a day, a Ph.D student wrote "It is clear", in the main step of his proof of a theorem in his qualifying exam. The examiner told him "you could remove the whole of your proof and write "Proof: It is clear. Halmos' tombstone"" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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