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vesperala
post Feb 2 2009, 02:54 PM
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An infinite crowd of mathematicians enters a bar.
The first one orders a pint, the second one a half pint, the third one a quarter pint...
"I understand", says the bartender - and pours two pints.


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O raclă mare-i lumea. Stelele-s cuie/Bătute-n ea şi soarele-i fereasta/La temniţa vieţii
Mihai Eminescu

Stelele-n cer, deasupra mărilor, ard depărtărilor, până ce pier...

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vesperala
post Feb 11 2009, 08:21 PM
Post #42


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Copernicus' parents: "Copernicus, young man, when are you going to come to terms with the fact that the world does not revolve around you?"

***

In class when students say to me, "Are you Serious?"
My reply is: "Yes...like the brightest star in the night-time sky, I am Sirius!"

***


Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun. emo-lol.gif


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O raclă mare-i lumea. Stelele-s cuie/Bătute-n ea şi soarele-i fereasta/La temniţa vieţii
Mihai Eminescu

Stelele-n cer, deasupra mărilor, ard depărtărilor, până ce pier...

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post Feb 13 2009, 02:41 PM
Post #43


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QUOTE (vesperala @ Feb 11 2009, 06:21 PM) *
In class when students say to me, "Are you Serious?"
My reply is: "Yes...like the brightest star in the night-time sky, I am Sirius!"

That's great emo-rade.gif


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vesperala
post Mar 23 2009, 07:58 PM
Post #44


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I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code


You know it's love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead.


If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0


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O raclă mare-i lumea. Stelele-s cuie/Bătute-n ea şi soarele-i fereasta/La temniţa vieţii
Mihai Eminescu

Stelele-n cer, deasupra mărilor, ard depărtărilor, până ce pier...

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post Mar 24 2009, 09:05 PM
Post #45


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QUOTE (vesperala @ Mar 23 2009, 05:58 PM) *
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code

biggrin.gif


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feueR-B-Frei
post Mar 24 2009, 10:53 PM
Post #46


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A burglar broke into a house and started filling his bag with stuff he found around the place. Suddenly, he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you!"
Scared to death, he takes a look around, but sees no one. He takes a deep breath, telling himself it was just paranoia, and he picks some more goods. Then, the voice says again: "Jesus is watching you!"
The man, nearly parralysed by fear, whispers: "Who...who are you..?", and the voice replies: "I'm Moses, the parrot!"...indeed, the guy looks up and sees inside a cage a big parrot looking at him. Then he wets himself laughing: "What moron could possibly name his parrot Moses? HA HA HA!!!"
The reply comes right away: "The same moron who named his rottweiler Jesus!"
biggrin.gif



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Dincolo de noapte...e nenorocitu' ala de ceas desteptator!
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vesperala
post Mar 29 2009, 08:39 PM
Post #47


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I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 36 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, no car, no TV, no money and slept on a sofa bed, but I got to sleep every night with a hot good looking 18 year old. Now, we have a beautiful house, two nice cars, king size bed, money and a 50" screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 54 year old woman. "It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."



My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 18 year old beautiful girl, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, with no car, no money, and sleeping on a sofa bed. biggrin.gif



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O raclă mare-i lumea. Stelele-s cuie/Bătute-n ea şi soarele-i fereasta/La temniţa vieţii
Mihai Eminescu

Stelele-n cer, deasupra mărilor, ard depărtărilor, până ce pier...

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vesperala
post Apr 12 2009, 03:12 PM
Post #48


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How many Bill Gates’ does it take to change the light bulb?

None. He just calls a meeting & makes darkness the standard!


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O raclă mare-i lumea. Stelele-s cuie/Bătute-n ea şi soarele-i fereasta/La temniţa vieţii
Mihai Eminescu

Stelele-n cer, deasupra mărilor, ard depărtărilor, până ce pier...

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pinturicchio
post Apr 12 2009, 05:36 PM
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Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. Watching your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your new car.


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vesperala
post May 3 2009, 05:01 PM
Post #50


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An archaeologist one day visited a museum in a big city. He finally stopped at the front of a complete fossil of Tyrannosaurus.

After admiring for about 5 minutes, a security guard walked to him and said,

“Can you believe this? This giant was alive in 65 million and 3 years, 5 months and 21 days ago?”

With astonishment, the archaeologist asked him, “Oh My God, How could you tell the age of this T-rex in so detailed?”

“That’s simple!” the security smiled, “they told me this creature was 65 million years-old, when I came to work on the first day.”

“Today is my 3 years, 5 month and 21 days on duty!” emo-lol.gif

biggrin.gif
One day a man went to an auction. There he saw an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid. The price was high but the fine bird was finally his!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry," said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"


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O raclă mare-i lumea. Stelele-s cuie/Bătute-n ea şi soarele-i fereasta/La temniţa vieţii
Mihai Eminescu

Stelele-n cer, deasupra mărilor, ard depărtărilor, până ce pier...

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vesperala
post May 12 2009, 03:03 PM
Post #51


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A computer programmer, a manager, and a mechanic loose control of their car going down the hill. The mechanic says "Hey why don't I take this car apart and fix it". The manager says "Why don't we form a committe to make sure this doesn't happen again". The computer programmer says "Why don't we push it back up the hill to see if it crashes again?"


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O raclă mare-i lumea. Stelele-s cuie/Bătute-n ea şi soarele-i fereasta/La temniţa vieţii
Mihai Eminescu

Stelele-n cer, deasupra mărilor, ard depărtărilor, până ce pier...

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gabriel
post May 13 2009, 08:51 AM
Post #52


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A Blonde's Year in Review

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!

March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...... Box said
"2-4 years!"

April
Trapped on escalator for hours ..... Power went out!!!

May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of
Water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June
Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,
The other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... Car swamped because soft-top
was open.

September
The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I
weigh 108!!

December
Couldn't call 911 .. "duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid
phone!!!

Edited by gabriel: May 13 2009, 08:54 AM
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vesperala
post May 16 2009, 11:07 AM
Post #53


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God was fed up. In a crash of thunder he/she yanked up to Heaven three influential humans, George Bush, Russian President, and Bill Gates. "The human race is a complete disappointment," God boomed.

"You each have one week to prepare your followers for the end of the world." Then, with another crash of thunder they found themselves back on Earth.

Bush immediately called in his cabinet. "I have good news and bad news," he announced grimly.

"The good news is that there is god. The bad news is Gods really mad and plans to end the world in a week."

The Russia President announced to parliament, "Comrades, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that we were wrong, there is a god after all. The worse news is Gods mad and is going to end the world in a week."

Meanwhile, Bill Gates called a meeting of his top engineers. "I have good news and better news. The good news is that God considers me one of the three most influential men on Earth," he beamed.

"The better news is we don't have to fix Windows Vista."


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O raclă mare-i lumea. Stelele-s cuie/Bătute-n ea şi soarele-i fereasta/La temniţa vieţii
Mihai Eminescu

Stelele-n cer, deasupra mărilor, ard depărtărilor, până ce pier...

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pinturicchio
post Jun 10 2009, 06:36 PM
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It was once said that a black man would be president when pigs flew. Well behold, 100 days into his presidency Swine Flu.

biggrin.gif

Edited by pinturicchio: Jun 10 2009, 06:36 PM


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vesperala
post Sep 30 2010, 07:27 PM
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A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber
ball and told to find the volume. The mathmatician carefully measured
the diamaeter and evaluated a triple integral. The physicist filled a
beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total
displacement. The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in
his red-rubber-ball table.


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O raclă mare-i lumea. Stelele-s cuie/Bătute-n ea şi soarele-i fereasta/La temniţa vieţii
Mihai Eminescu

Stelele-n cer, deasupra mărilor, ard depărtărilor, până ce pier...

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vesperala
post Jan 6 2011, 04:30 PM
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emo-pardon.gif


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O raclă mare-i lumea. Stelele-s cuie/Bătute-n ea şi soarele-i fereasta/La temniţa vieţii
Mihai Eminescu

Stelele-n cer, deasupra mărilor, ard depărtărilor, până ce pier...

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Windwalker
post Jan 31 2011, 04:03 PM
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Now that was a good one Vesperala. Thanks for the smile this morning.


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"How long will I love you?, Forever is too defined...
So I will add a day or two, onto the end of time."
From poem Forever and two days, Ron Walker
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vesperala
post Feb 8 2011, 08:48 PM
Post #58


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rolleyes.gif emo-hugher.gif


Dear God,

My prayer for 2011 is for a fat bank account & a thin body.
Please don't mix these up like you did last year. AMEN!!!
ZETA is typing...


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O raclă mare-i lumea. Stelele-s cuie/Bătute-n ea şi soarele-i fereasta/La temniţa vieţii
Mihai Eminescu

Stelele-n cer, deasupra mărilor, ard depărtărilor, până ce pier...

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vesperala
post Oct 5 2011, 07:12 PM
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Q: How does one insult a mathematician ?
A: You say: “Your brain is smaller than any positive epsilon!”


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O raclă mare-i lumea. Stelele-s cuie/Bătute-n ea şi soarele-i fereasta/La temniţa vieţii
Mihai Eminescu

Stelele-n cer, deasupra mărilor, ard depărtărilor, până ce pier...

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vesperala
post Oct 24 2011, 10:06 PM
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Once upon a day, a Ph.D student wrote "It is clear", in the main step of his proof of a theorem in his qualifying exam.
The examiner told him "you could remove the whole of your proof and write "Proof: It is clear. Halmos' tombstone""


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O raclă mare-i lumea. Stelele-s cuie/Bătute-n ea şi soarele-i fereasta/La temniţa vieţii
Mihai Eminescu

Stelele-n cer, deasupra mărilor, ard depărtărilor, până ce pier...

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